Looking through a child’s eye of the world it seems as though it is a perfect world full of happiness and care free worries. But when you become older for some this cycle begins to reverse. There’s a time in everybody’s life when things seem so heavy, others tend to share their heart ache, while others prefer to pretend as though nothing has happened.
I would describe myself to be the type of person who likes to run away from problems and avoid them at all costs. Not because I’m afraid, it’s just because I can’t find the words to speak how I’m feeling. To others this may seem such a silly thing to do, as it can lead to different cases such as being an angry person, or becoming extremely with drawn from others. So what I tend to do as I’m a singer, I tend to song write how I’m feeling as a way to get all of these thoughts and feelings out of my mind. It’s the only way I find of expressing myself, and trust me I have come out with effective results as I have had people contact me, telling me that a certain lyric had touched them.
What could push somebody into this fragile state of mind I bet you are wondering? Why would I go to the extreme lengths of this?
It’s not due to heavy loads of university work or because of any relationships, right now those factors seem so small nothing compared to the death of a loved one. Imagine being told on your second day of uni AT 2.30am in the morning, that somebody you loved so much, a iconic person had fallen into a coma? At once I had it all I had started a new fresh start I had fought my way to get my grades, but at this time I would have traded everything I had owned for this nightmare to end.
My aunt Lizzy, she was such a beautiful individual who always helped others. She passed away 20/09/2011 due to a brain hemorrhage and right at that moment I actually felt my life had stopped. I couldn’t see a way out or how I would overcome this. I had so many elements to now juggle, looking after my mum, going back to university and then getting on day to day life. Lizzy was a big character in my life, she was always with me and my mum, it was my little family. I did, I admit I felt as though god had cheated me out of time. I always imagined her and my mum growing old together and them together ‘best friends’ watching me graduate, getting married and finally having a child. The last images of Lizzy I have in my head are very distressing, in the Intensive Care Unit at B.R.I Hospital.
Believe me by what I’ve been through these past months I really don’t know how I’ve managed to get back on track with uni. If I wanted I could of just left and gave it up. But I know in my heart that isn’t what my beautiful aunt would have wanted. She would have wanted me to continue and be a success.
But for those who have been through something as heart aching, believe me there will be a build up to something grate in your life. All the tears will soon be transformed into happiness in some stage in your life. And if you can’t talk write it down, but eventually you will allow yourself to realise all the pain you have held for so long.
But ADVICE for those who are just reading this, I just want you to think about this kind of reality in life. There maybe people hurt you know or insist they are ‘OK’ when they are not. Everybody has a story within them and I finally feel as though I have to turn mine around and help those who are going through the same kind of thing.
So the next time you hear people talking about why somebody hasn’t been THEMSELVES or turning up to LECTURES maybe , JUST maybe, MAYBE it’s because they have got a lot to deal with at home ! Don’t be one of them people who join in the gossip. Help them and provide the feeling as though you want to help, cause remember life isn’t a stable factor, we all don’t know what are path has written for us.
Remember ‘DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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